I still feel so new to this "stay-at-home-momming." Rightly so, since I've only really been doing this for a few months. Since David and I were engaged we always dreamed about the time that I would be able to stay home with the kids. I suppose in my state of "wool over the eyes" I had no idea what that really entailed. There is that old adage or saying that says "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it," well that is how I feel, some days, about being home. That is not to say that I'm ready to run back to work (sorry ladies!) but I can't help wondering, sometimes, "am I doing this right?" I know that sounds a little silly, surely there is no "right" way to be a mom. I know that there isn't any kind of specific instructions I am supposed to be following (is there??) but I still feel like I'm under qualified for this. I guess the problem lies more with me and that comparing problem I get myself into.
I was thinking about this last night and somehow floated back to my days in college, in one of my (many) chemistry labs. For the final everyone was given an unknown solid and through different experiments we were to determine what it was. I can remember being in that lab and looking around, everyone was coming up with something different. We weren't all given the same things so really it was a good think that our results were coming up different. I think this is kind of what it is like to be a mom. We each are given our "unknowns" and we have to figure out the rest. We are given a few directions, a few flow charts and a few books and just kind of let loose. I suppose it is a good thing that my kids aren't exactly like everyone else's when I look around the little "mom's lab bench," where would the fun be in that?
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I am also hoping that their short term memories will be to my advantage. That they won't remember all the times I overacted (who me?) and wasn't the best that I could be. The day that they no longer huge me and tell me they love me for no reason is the day that I know their memories aren't so short term anymore. Let's just hope I can get something right before then!
Different is what makes life wonderful. Different is what makes you a great mom to three great kids.
I hear you, we have a very difficult job, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It keeps us on our toes!
I was writing my rough draft of this very post just this morning...about how we measure success as stay at home Mom's. It's much harder without the feedback of coworkers, without the paycheck for incentive, without grades to let us know if we're on track, and with the repetitiveness of mundane tasks like laundry and dishes. (Really, why do we have to wear clothes again? Meals? Can't we find an alternative?)I like your version! Different is good.
Staying at home isn't easy and I wonder if I'm doing it right, too. But I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. I know you are doing amazingly!
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