Airing My Dirty Dishes

My house is a mess. Lately, though, I've not had much luck finding the motivation to do anything about it. It seems, right after I do, someone inevitably comes behind me to undo all that I've done. If I wipe something, someone smears stuff all over it. If I pick something up someone is throwing something else down. If I clean it, grubby hands come out of the wood works. And the laundry. Oh the laundry. The Never Ending Story should have been all about the woes of laundry. So I've come to the place where I must ask myself "what's the point?"
Last night I watched a show where a mom had an opportunity to leave the house and work outside the home for a weekend. She did so well she was offered a full time job. A part of her wanted to do it but ultimately she decided that she was more needed at home, with her children. Whenever I see things like that (Marley & Me brings me to tears for more reasons than the dog) I feel that familiar pang. I know what that feels like. When I was working I loved doing what I did. I was confident, efficient and orderly. When I left work everyday I knew that I had done my job right. Not only that but I had done a really good job. I could see the fruits of my labors. It was so very satisfying.
So as I look at my messy house. As I hear my daughter, with a scowl on her face, stand and tell me she doesn't like me anymore. It begs the question, "I left that for this?" Strangely the mom guilt does not surface in the least when I have thoughts like this. Because what I'm doing is a sacrifice. As sacrifice wouldn't be a sacrifice if it didn't hurt. If I didn't "feel" it. To steal a line from a favorite movie, "If it wasn't hard then everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great." Making this realization has become so very empowering to me.
Now, if only I could empower someone to come and do my dishes.

Be empowered

Lessons On Patience

I love the Olympic season. It's one of my favorite things to watch. Winter. Summer. Whatever. I love them all. If there were Spring and Fall Olympics I'd watch those too. There is just something about the entire world coming together and competing that seems right to me. The only downside is I tend to get a lot less sleep during the two weeks of the Olympics. But that is another matter.

Last night as I was settling in watching my Olympics there was a segment on about an athlete that didn't make it to the Olympics because of a training accident.  Click Here To Watch. His older brother, David, has Down syndrome. What struck me the most is something that his mother said. It was along the lines of having David in their family has prepared her for this experience. She has learned patience.

I've thought a lot about this. The Boy and I seem to be butting heads a lot lately. He is trying so hard to be independent and do everything himself. Wants to do things his way. Not mine. I know that is the thing that every parent wants, for their child to be independent. For some reason I'm struggling with this. In part because it usually means a huge mess for me. I don't really like messes. So with all of this we just haven't been able to see eye to eye lately. It seems like we do this every so often. And when we do it really gets me down.

Then I saw this video while watching the Olympics last night and things are starting to come together for me. Patience has never been my strong suit. I don't like waiting. And I like waiting on other people even less. But somehow that is what has to come out of this. To think that these experiences of learning patience when my children are young are preparing me for something else is scary to me. It feels like we've been through quite a lot already. More than I ever thought was humanly possible. I know I shouldn't think that way. Life seems to be easier when I don't look too far ahead.

If nothing else I need to be patient while I'm trying to learn patience!

Be patient

Venting

On Monday, after gushing about school and all it's glories, I get a phone call. It was from his Resource teacher, a.k.a. special ed. teacher. I suppose I should back up just a bit and say last week there was a note sent home saying that he refused to go to the carpet. Back to Monday she said that he was doing better about the carpet business but was having a hard time participating. He was getting into things a lot. In her room if she turned to get something new out he was up and had his hands all over stuff. Just general not listening.

He's doing this a lot at home too. If I ask him to do something he'll ignore me or just flat out say no. After multiple times of asking many times he'll flop on the floor or the couch or anything into a 50 lb wet noodle as I'm trying to drag him off to wherever. Needless to say it is very frustrating and does little to help the patience I've been trying so hard to exercise.

Yesterday on his behavior chart (which gets sent home to all kindergartners, not just him) it says "refused to go to the carpet." This left David wondering what in the world he didn't like about the dang carpet. It left me confused and frustrated. I have talked to him, a number of times, about the importance of listening and doing what is asked of you. He usually just nods and I know he understands what I'm saying. Maybe he is just nodding to say, "Whatever mom, whatever I have to say to be done with this conversation." I know his behavior isn't necessarily a reflection on me, but I can't help feeling like it is. Why do mother's feel like everything their child does is their fault?

I know that he likes school, because he is always wanting to go to school. Asking for the bus. He always gets on the bus willingly, I never have to force him on it. He loves to pack his lunch and pack his backpack. Which, again, leaves me feeling confused and frustrated. I really don't know what to do to make him more willing to listen at school. Or at home for that matter.